Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
