You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
