After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
