i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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