So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
