i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
