Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
