She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
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