Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I understand Curling. That high.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
