Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
