I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
