Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
