I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick