Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
