She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
