I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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