I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
