i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
