My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
