Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
