Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
