nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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