I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
