hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize