i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
