I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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