You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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