sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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