you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
