You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
