paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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