She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize