Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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