We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
