I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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