Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
