Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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