I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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