well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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