Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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