i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Pooping to opera.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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