I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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