remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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