And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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