i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
