you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
