it was like his penis was on wheels.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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