I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize