When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
