he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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