i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
