One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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