rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
