I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
