It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize