Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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