what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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