Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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