Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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