Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
