how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
