I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
