I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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