At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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