Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
