I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize