I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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