You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
