so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
