Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
