Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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