The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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