You're completely useless in the revolution.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
