she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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